yonic

I expect you know what ‘phallic’ means. But you’ve probably never heard of ‘yonic’, which is basically the female equivalent* (shakes fist at patriarchy) – an adjective that describes objects or symbols that resemble or represent the female genitalia, particularly the vulva.

‘Yonic’ is derived from a Sanskrit word, ‘yoni’ (योनि), which means ‘womb’, ‘uterus’ or ‘vulva’, as well as ‘source’. In various Eastern religions and spiritual traditions, the yoni is revered as a symbol of divine feminine energy and fertility, and the origin of life. The concept of the yoni is often associated with the goddess Shakti in Hinduism, representing the creative and nurturing aspects of the universe. Yoni and linga (the masculine version) iconography is found in Shiva temples and archaeological sites across the Indian subcontinent and southeast Asia.

The yoni may well be the oldest spiritual icon not just in India but in many ancient cultures. It’s only here in the West that we’ve traditionally treated feminine sexual organs and sexuality as taboo – in Indic religions (i.e. Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism and Sikhism) and other similar ancient cultures, the yoni has long been seen as as a deep philosophical and cosmic truth that represents feminine power and potential. It’s closely linked with the natural cycles of the moon, earth and life itself. Take that, patriarchy.

Roses are often considered a yonic symbol, which seems a bit odd to me as men often give them to women as a romantic gesture. Maybe they should be giving us more phallic flowers. Like the phallus impudicus, for example, AKA the common stinkhorn, a fungus renowned for being shaped like a penis and for having an absolutely horrible smell. Hmmm, maybe this is why I’m single…

*Which presumably gets paid 13% less than her male counterpart.

haggard

Today we use the word ‘haggard’ to describe someone who looks like crap, usually because they’re sick, under some sort of emotional strain or incredibly hungover. But it didn’t always mean that.

‘Haggard’ has its roots in falconry. In case you’re not familiar with that, falconry, also known as hawking, is a traditional practice of hunting with trained birds of prey, usually falcons, hawks or eagles. It dates back over 4,000 years and has been practised by various cultures around the world, including ancient Mesopotamia, China, Egypt and medieval Europe.

While the relationship between the falconer and the bird is built on trust and respect, traditionally these birds weren’t bred in captivity – they were either taken from the nest when very young or trapped as adults. And that’s where our word comes in. A bird trapped as an adult was called a ‘haggard’, from the Middle French word ‘hagard’, meaning ‘wild’ or ‘untamed’. Over time, the meaning of ‘haggard’ has evolved to describe someone who looks exhausted, or wild and unkempt due to fatigue or stress.

In 2010, UNESCO recognised falconry as an ‘Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity’ which acknowledges its cultural significance. These days it’s still practiced as both a sport and a conservation tool, and also to control pest birds and animals in urban areas. It’s also very well regulated to make sure the birds are treated ethically and that wild populations aren’t affected.

(The return of the goshawk as a breeding bird to Britain is due in large part to these birds escaping from falconers – the previous population was wiped out by gamekeepers and egg collectors in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.)

We get a few other words and phrases from falconry too:

• lure – from a device used to recall hawks

• rouse – this used to mean ‘to shake one’s feathers’, although we now use it for waking up

• pounce – previously this referred to a hawk’s claws, then to birds springing or swooping to catch prey

• to turn tail – AKA to fly away.

peristeronic

No, I haven’t spelled (spelt?) ‘prehistoric’ wrong. If something or someone (god forbid) is peristeronic then it means it or they relate to or resemble a pigeon.

The etymology is pretty straightforward – the ancient Greek word for dove or pigeon is ‘peristera’. Both of these birds come from the columbidae family. We get a couple of nice words from that as well:

• ‘columbarium’ – another word for a pigeon loft or a dovecote (I wonder why pigeons get lofts but doves gets cotes? Seems a bit racist), and also any type of vault which has niches for storing urns in it

• ‘columbine’ – which means of or relating to a dove, in innocence, gentleness, colour and so on. It’s also the name of one of the stock characters in commedia dell’arte (a form of popular theatre from 16th-century Italy that Inside No. 9 used as a basis for an episode that most people – including me – didn’t understand).

Time for pigeon facts. Pigeons are monogamous and mate for life. Mum and dad pigeons share parental responsibilities equally, meaning they’re already far more evolved than most humans (and I bet there’s no gender-pay gap). They’re also pretty clever. Aside from their awesome navigational abilities – an Oxford University study found that pigeons use manmade landmarks as signposts and often fly along roads and motorways, even changing direction at junctions – they can apparently recognise all 26 letters of the English alphabet and solve problems (I think I need a pigeon assistant).

GI Joe. He’s not dead, he’s resting.

Homing pigeons were used extensively during the First and Second World Wars for communication and reconnaissance. In fact, pigeon USA43SC6390, AKA GI Joe, saved the lives of the inhabitants of an entire Italian village, and the British troops who were occupying it, on 18 October 1943. Air support had been requested to deal with German soldiers in the village (called Calvi Vecchia). GI Joe flew 20 miles in 20 minutes to deliver a message that the British 169th (London) Infantry Brigade had captured the village, arriving just as the planes were getting ready to take off to bomb the target. He saved the lives of at least 100 men. GI Joe was given the Dickin Medal (which sounds rude but isn’t) for ‘the most outstanding flight made by a United States Army pigeon in World War II’.

I’m not crying, I’ve just got something in my eye.

‘Feed the birds’ from Mary Poppins – the dirty old bird lady always makes me well up.