My words in action

Here are some before-and-after examples which show the difference I can make to your words. Because a lot of the stuff I work on is confidential, I can’t include it here without risking being whisked away in a big black van (or whatever it is that happens when you break a non-disclosure agreement). So I’ve had to keep them all anonymous, sorry.

(Oh, and if you’re not sure if you want a proofread or a rewrite, you can find out what the difference is here.)

From a customer letter for a bank

The before

This letter is to inform you that we have changed your communication preferences to paper. This is because the email address on our records has failed, and we need an up to date email address to continue to send you electronic statements.

If you would like to continue receiving statements via email visit www.ourwebsite.com, log in using your username and password, and update your contact preferences to ‘online’ in the ‘About me’ section. Ensure you give us a current email address. If you would like to continue receiving your communications in a paper format you do not need to do anything.

The After

We’re writing to let you know we’ll be sending you your bank statements in the post from now on. That’s because the email address we have for you doesn’t seem to be working. We need an up-to-date one to send you electronic statements.

How to set up electronic statements

If you’d like to get your statements by email go to www.ourwebsite.com and log in with your username and password. Then click on ‘About me’ and change your contact preferences to ‘online’. Make sure you give us an up-to-date email address.

If you’d prefer us to carry on contacting you by post, you don’t need to do anything.


From a sushi restaurant’s website

The before

Magic Monday Offer Terms and Conditions:

  • Offer is available every Monday.

  • Offer is not valid on drinks or takeaway.

  • Any dishes not available on the Magic Monday menu will be charged at normal price.

  • Offer is NOT valid at the following restaurants: Edinburgh Airport, Gatwick North, Heathrow Terminal 2 & 3, London Harvey Nichols, London Selfridges, Southbank and St Pancras Station.

  • Offer not transferable or available in conjunction with another offer (e.g. student discount) and there is no cash alternative.

  • The Restaurant Manager’s decision is final.

The after

Magic Monday – the small print

  • This offer’s available every Monday.

  • You can’t use it for drinks or takeaway.

  • If you order anything that isn’t on the Magic Monday menu you’ll pay the normal price.

  • We don’t do Magic Monday at these restaurants: Edinburgh Airport, Edinburgh Princes Street, Gatwick North, Heathrow T2, Heathrow T3, London Harvey Nichols, London Selfridges, Southbank or St Pancras Station.

  • You can’t transfer this offer or use it with another one (like a student discount). And we won’t give you cash instead.

  • What the manager says goes – so if they say you can’t have the discount, then you can’t have the discount. (Sorry.)