My words in action
Here are some before-and-after examples which show the difference I can make to your words. Because a lot of the stuff I work on is confidential, I can’t include it here without risking being whisked away in a big black van (or whatever it is that happens when you break a non-disclosure agreement). So I’ve had to keep them all anonymous, sorry.
(Oh, and if you’re not sure if you want a proofread or a rewrite, you can find out what the difference is here.)
From an insurance company’s website, where customers choose how they’d like to be contacted
The before
Communication preferences
In addition to the emails we will send you with your quote details, we would like to keep in touch about other things such as products and services. If you are happy for us to contact you, please select the way you’d like to hear from us below. Alternatively, simply click ‘No, thank you’.
The after
Can we stay in touch?
As well as emailing you a quote, we’d love to tell you about some of the other things we offer. Like discounts on insurance, exclusive new products and prize draws you won’t find anywhere else.
If you’re happy for us to do that, just tick the boxes below to tell us how you’d like to hear from us.
Don’t want us to contact you?
No problem. Click ‘No thanks’ below.
From a customer letter for a bank
The before
This letter is to inform you that we have changed your communication preferences to paper. This is because the email address on our records has failed, and we need an up to date email address to continue to send you electronic statements.
If you would like to continue receiving statements via email visit www.ourwebsite.com, log in using your username and password, and update your contact preferences to ‘online’ in the ‘About me’ section. Ensure you give us a current email address. If you would like to continue receiving your communications in a paper format you do not need to do anything.
The After
We’re writing to let you know we’ll be sending you your bank statements in the post from now on. That’s because the email address we have for you doesn’t seem to be working. We need an up-to-date one to send you electronic statements.
How to set up electronic statements
If you’d like to get your statements by email go to www.ourwebsite.com and log in with your username and password. Then click on ‘About me’ and change your contact preferences to ‘online’. Make sure you give us an up-to-date email address.
If you’d prefer us to carry on contacting you by post, you don’t need to do anything.
From a restaurant’s website
The before
Offer Terms and Conditions:
Offer is available every Monday.
Offer is not valid on drinks or takeaway.
Any dishes not available on the special offer menu will be charged at normal price.
Offer is NOT valid at the following restaurants: Edinburgh Airport, Gatwick North, Heathrow Terminal 2 & 3, London Harvey Nichols, London Selfridges, Southbank and St Pancras Station.
Offer not transferable or available in conjunction with another offer (e.g. student discount) and there is no cash alternative.
The Restaurant Manager’s decision is final.
The after
The small print
This offer’s available every Monday.
You can’t use it for drinks or takeaway.
If you order anything that isn’t on the special offer menu you’ll pay the normal price.
We don’t do this offer at the following restaurants: Edinburgh Airport, Edinburgh Princes Street, Gatwick North, Heathrow T2, Heathrow T3, London Harvey Nichols, London Selfridges, Southbank or St Pancras Station.
You can’t transfer the offer or use it with another one (like a student discount). And we won’t give you cash instead.
What the manager says goes – so if they say you can’t have the discount, then you can’t have the discount. (Sorry.)