nog

Yes, I’m talking about eggnog here. I’ve never tried eggnog, because why would I? I don’t want to drink egg, thank you very much. Even if it does have booze in it.

Yuck

My taste aside, what even is a nog? The truth is that no one’s completely sure, which doesn’t make for a very good blog post. But luckily lots of intrepid etymologists have taken a guess, with most tracing it back to the 17th century, when ‘nog’ referred to a strong ale brewed in East Anglia (where I sit as we speak). It might also come from ‘noggin’, a Middle English word for a small wooden cup or mug. Which would mean that ‘nog’ essentially means ‘booze in a little cup’. I don’t know which nutter decided to stick some egg in it though.

You might be wondering if nog and noggin – slang for head, first recorded in the 17th century – are related. And the answer is… maybe. No one really knows where ‘noggin’ for head comes from. But it’s possible that it’s just a metaphor likening heads to containers full of ideas (or, if you’re me, song lyrics from the 80s). The earliest recorded use of ‘noggin’ for head seems to be from the 1769 farce ‘The Stratford Jubilee’. A character called Captain Blarney says ‘Keep off your fore foots; or, devil burn me, but I'll crack your noggin for you.’ A quote worth chucking in to any arguments over the Christmas dinner table, methinks.

When I was researching this, I learned about the Eggnog Riot of 1826 – yup. Also known as the Grog Mutiny (great name for a band), it took place at the United States Military Academy at West Point (the school that Robert Sean Leonard’s dad tries to force him to go to in Dead Poets Society [which should have an apostrophe but doesn’t] – with DEVASTATING consequences that I’m still not over). On 24–25 December, armed with homemade eggnog spiked with whiskey, some cadets threw a party that quickly descended into a full-blown brawl. Windows were smashed, furniture was thrown about and weapons were drawn. The aftermath was a disciplinary nightmare for West Point, with 19 cadets facing punishment and several having to be expelled. Another reason to stay away from eggy alcohol.

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This is the last word of the week for 2024. Don’t worry though – I’ll be back in 2025 with lots more etymological oddities. Until then, a very merry Christmas to you and yours.

gynoid

We’re heading into the realms of science fiction (with a bit of science fact) for this one. A gynoid is a humanoid robot designed to look like a woman – think Maria in Fritz Lang’s Metropolis (1927), one of the earliest depictions of a female android, and Ava from the film Ex Machina (2014).

The term ‘gynoid’ was first introduced by sci-fi guru Isaac Asimov in a 1979 editorial as a theoretical female equivalent to the word ‘android’, which is usually gender-neutral or male by default (OBVIOUSLY). It comes from the Greek word gynē meaning ‘woman’ and the suffix -oid, which means ‘resembling’ or ‘like’.

In fiction, gynoids are often used to explore societal themes, including gender roles and artificial intelligence. And by ‘explore … gender roles and artificial intelligence’, I mean men exploring having sex with them – I can’t think of a single fictional gynoid who doesn’t have a man trying to insert himself into her charging port.

Real-life examples of gynoids who hopefully aren’t suffering the same fate (yet, anyway) include:

Actroid in action

EveR, looking scarily real

• Actroid, life-like gynoids developed by Osaka University and manufactured by Kokoro Company. They can mimic human functions including blinking, speaking and breathing, and the latest models can recognise, process and respond to speech

• EveR (‘Eve’ plus ‘r’ for robot), a series of female androids developed by a team of South Korean scientists. This gynoid can recognise 400 Korean and English words, and respond to questions both verbally and with facial expressions. She’ll also get annoyed with you if you poke her (unlike a lot of real women who just put up with that shit)

• Vyommitra (from the Sanskrit words Vyōma meaning ‘space’ and Mitra meaning ‘friend’), a gynoid made for space travel (although not far, as she doesn’t have any legs). She was designed and developed by the Indian Space Research Organisation to work on board the Gaganyaan, a crewed orbital spacecraft expected to launch in 2026.

Just to even up the scores a little, here’s Jude Law as Gigolo Joe, a ‘male pleasure Mecha’. You’re welcome.

koan

A koan is a concept from Zen Buddhism. It refers to a paradoxical question, statement or story that’s designed to provoke deep contemplation and insight. I came across it when my mum put it down in a game of Words With Friends – I’m sure she knew that this is what it means, and wasn’t just putting down letters randomly trying to find a word (sorry, Mumsy).

A koan’s purpose is to transcend ordinary logic and encourage Buddhist practitioners to experience enlightenment, or ‘satori’. Koans challenge the analytical mind, requiring people to move beyond rational thought to grasp their deeper truth. They’re often used in meditation or as a teaching tool during a Zen student’s training under a master.

Koans aren’t meant to be solved logically as they don’t have straightforward answers. Instead, they encourage people to challenge their usual ways of thinking, look inward and confront their preconceptions. The process of working with a koan often involves talking to a teacher about one’s understanding of it, who’ll then give you more guidance or challenge your perspective.

If you’re feeling more confused than enlightened by all this, here’s a famous koan:

‘What is the sound of one hand clapping?’

This is designed to challenge conventional ideas of perception and duality, apparently. I’m clearly not destined to become a Buddhist as I just find this logistically confusing.

Etymology-wise, the word ‘koan’ originates from a Japanese term, 公案 (kōan), which itself comes from a Chinese term, 公案 (gōng’àn), meaning ‘public case’ or ‘official document’. I’m not sure anyone ever reached enlightenment through admin, so how did that association happen? Well, historically the term referred to legal precedents used by magistrates in ancient China. The Buddhists then adopted the term gōng’àn to signify an authoritative example or teaching from a Zen master – like a case study that illustrates profound spiritual principles.

I was going to end this blog by saying that there’s obviously something in this koan-malarkey, as Buddhism is the only major religion that’s never started a war. But, sadly, a bit of research shows that that’s not strictly true. Buddhism does however emphasise non-violence, compassion and mindfulness, all of which are things this world could do with a lot more of. So let’s just leave it there.