If a word has the prefix ‘in-’ before it, like this one, then it usually means ‘no’ or ‘not’ (sometimes it just means ‘in’, but let’s ignore that for the purposes of this post). Think ‘independent’ (i.e. not dependent), ‘invisible’ (i.e. not visible) and inoffensive (i.e. well, you get it now). So before we get into what an inaptronym is, let’s talk about aptronyms. An aptronym is a name that suits its owner in an apt (usually funny) way. Like Les McBurney, firefighter (yes, that is a real person – regular readers (hello parents!) might remember that I previously wrote a blog post about my favourite aptronyms which featured Les, as well as weather forecaster Sarah Blizzard and plastic surgeon Dr Alter). All of this means you’ve probably already worked out what an inaptronym is – when someone’s name is very inappropriate for what they do. Before I get into the funny real-life examples of inaptronyms (which, let’s face it, is why we’re all here), you must sit through some etymology. Sorry.
‘-onym’ comes from the Greek word for ‘name’, and has a starring role in words like ‘synonym’ (a word that has the same meaning as another word – literally ‘named with’) and ‘patronym’ (a name derived from a father’s). And the ‘apt’ bit is just that – apt. Aptronym is a relatively young word, although accounts differ as to who actually coined it. It might have been created by an American columnist and author called Franklin P. Adams, although the OED cites it as having appeared in an awesomely named dictionary, Funk & Wagnall’s, way back in 1921. The concept itself (also known as nominative determinism) isn’t young though, and goes all the way back to Aristotle, who called it ou ta tuchonta onomata (did you just start singing ‘Hakuna Matata’ from The Lion King?) or ‘purposeful names’.
Okay, on to the candidates for ‘best inaptronym’.
Frank Beard, the only member of ZZ Top who didn’t have a beard
Rob Banks, an officer with Avon and Somerset police force
Peter Bowler, a cricketer who was mainly a batsman
Samuel Foote, an actor who only had one foot.
But the winner for me, is one Jaime Lachica Sin. He was the 30th Roman Catholic Archbishop of Manila and also a cardinal which means his official title was… wait for it: Cardinal Sin.
Amazing.